every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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