Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
