I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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