idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
