you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
