He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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