Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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