your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize