She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
is it fun? or sober?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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