y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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