I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize