This girl is more easily done than said...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
