Already got asked if we're dating
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
