Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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