My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
