When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
