office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
