yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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