Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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