She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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