remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize