if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
