dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
