just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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