I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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