I just pynch a tree in the face
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
