Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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