I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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