i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
