I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
