dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
