I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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