So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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