I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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