So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
