this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
