You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
