well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize