dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
