You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
