this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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