dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well you can't waste a boner
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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