I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
