I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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