I think I am morally bankrupt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
