He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
