Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
