thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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