you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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