life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
