his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
