sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
