I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
