pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
