i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
