You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
