walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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