I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
