you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
