I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
