I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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