When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
