Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
