cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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