I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
