Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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