he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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