WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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