After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My dick has a subreddit
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
