Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
