We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize