Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
