Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
