all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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