hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he puts the penis in happiness.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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