I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
