so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
