thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
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