I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
