you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
