Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
