Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
