they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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