his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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