The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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