Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
