how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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