So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this will be a night to untag.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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