Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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