Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
