ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
